me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!