Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him