I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.