i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.