And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great