I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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