I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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