What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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