Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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