Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
