Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
