worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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