fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
