i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My orgasm happened in two different decades
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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