Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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