so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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