Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
