I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
