operation have a gay friend backfired
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
