I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
