My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
