About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins