i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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