so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.