i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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