So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home