She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had sex on a roof
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.