Texts From Last Night

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  (353): View more from

  i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash

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  (353): i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash http://tfl.nu/bafg
  Replies (22) Good night (5729) Bad night (771)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.

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  (815): i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed. http://tfl.nu/wp0k
  Replies (68) Good night (923) Bad night (9862)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?

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  (901): why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it? http://tfl.nu/zj16
  Replies (16) Good night (2237) Bad night (2254)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.

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  (609): That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me. http://tfl.nu/oade
  Replies (4) Good night (985) Bad night (3500)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.

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  (+61): we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry. http://tfl.nu/qm28
  Replies (9) Good night (4812) Bad night (1350)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.

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  (+44): cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked. http://tfl.nu/v3oz
  Replies (3) Good night (2402) Bad night (557)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.

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  (706): On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related. http://tfl.nu/0zhl
  Replies (12) Good night (2595) Bad night (603)
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  (518): View more from New York

  It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.

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  (518): It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun. http://tfl.nu/n6c2
  Replies (21) Good night (2209) Bad night (991)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12

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  (845): Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12 http://tfl.nu/01a6
  Replies (6) Good night (2470) Bad night (571)
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  (408): View more from California

  Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?

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  (408): Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection? http://tfl.nu/3s68
  Replies (2) Good night (961) Bad night (517)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.

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  (612): I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods. http://tfl.nu/4jr6
  Replies (11) Good night (1123) Bad night (464)
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  (619): View more from California

  But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.

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  (619): But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection. http://tfl.nu/g9u5
  Replies (18) Good night (809) Bad night (1008)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.

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  (870): I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards. http://tfl.nu/javn
  Replies (13) Good night (738) Bad night (871)
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  (916): View more from California

  My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"

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  (916): My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower" http://tfl.nu/qx3d
  Replies (7) Good night (1018) Bad night (391)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth

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  (339): I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth http://tfl.nu/gmqm
  Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (153)

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