Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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