I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
