This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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