Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
