butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
