Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
