There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
