Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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