Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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