woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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