Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
