I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
