OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
