so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
