i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
