I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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