Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and she was petting her beer can
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
