Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
