somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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