i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
