It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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