my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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