He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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