this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
