I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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