If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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