My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
