I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
