I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
