ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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