yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize