If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize