I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
third nipple confirmed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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