What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
