Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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