but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
