I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
