I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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