I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He? As in you personified your dick?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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