You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
