Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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