At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want a musical about memes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
