a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
