Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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