Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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