I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
