you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
handjob tips. give me some.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
