Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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