DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
