he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
