I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
