she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
