you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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