is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
