Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
