his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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