"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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