I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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