Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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