I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
