I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
