Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
