Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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