I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
