Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
