So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So squirting runs in the family.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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