Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He passed out mid-signature
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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