capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
