I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
