I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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