In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
