i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
